Day 5: First-tier sushi

So, today, my orchestra stand partner and I went out for sushi and then to the LA Phil to hear Yuja Wang perform. I wish I could say it's the first time I've heard the LA Phil, but I went to listen to Hilary Hahn last year. That being said, I can't discount how invigorating and fleeting live music is. It was absolutely breathtaking.

Instead, I will talk about the sushi. Now I love sushi. It's my favorite food. And unfortunately, often times I will get cravings for it, which I attempt to satiate, but instead only plant the seed of thought in my head "Wow, that was really good. I could sure go for some again." My appetite for it has caused me to forego quality. I mean, I can tell the differences between standard sushi and really bad sushi, but for the most part, I don't care too much.

My stand partner, though, is a self-proclaimed sushi snob, and insisted on taking me to what he considered the best sushi in LA. I was mostly curious if I'd be able to tell the difference. I tried to eat each piece slowly and focus on what was different. To me, the biggest thing I noticed was how fresh all the fish was, resulting in good textures, even in the skin.

We decided to splurge for the day, so we tried anything I hadn't tried before and was curious. This included monkfish liver, tuna belly, and yellowtail belly. My stand partner even recommended the sea urchin, which I've gotten lots of times, but rarely as fresh as today's. Overall, a very fun new experience! Although LA Phil won me out for the night, I definitely had a great time.

Day 3: Sleep on the bed the wrong way and Day 4: play opera

Okay, I'm a day behind, but I have a good reason for it. I decided to sleep on my bed the wrong way for Day 3. I know that sounds like a ridiculous cop-out, but hear me out. I've slept the same way on the same side of my bed as long as I've had my mattress (3+ years). I've formed a dent in it, I've slept in the same position so many times. It's become a physical rut. Sometimes I try to spread myself out, but the rut is so strong, I usually just roll down into it. Sometimes a friend will stay the night in my bed, and I'm afraid gravity will force us to cuddle.

So for Night 3, I put my pillow at the foot of my bed and slept on the other half. It was odd. It made me realize the night routine I have, which people usually don't think about unless they HAVE to HAVE it a certain way. I don't think I slept any differently, but waking was rather disorienting. Combined with the wisps of a dream where I was traveling, it was like waking up in a new bed. I woke up just as groggy as ever, but it made the day feel like an exception, not the rule. I did all the same things, but everything felt kind of perkier. It might have had to do the vanilla beans I bought (hello, new activity!) or the stack of cds I bought for cheap, but I felt vaguely excited.

So... perhaps I've invented the micro-micro-microscopic vacation? I feel like this classifies me a bit as a weirdo, like when Jeff Murdoch admitted to eating ice cream to numb his tongue so it felt like someone was making out with him.

Day 4 is not really something quite 100% new, because a week before I started doing the 30 new things in 30 days, I went and played in the orchestra pit for an opera company. So tonight was not the first performance I've had with a singer, but this performance and the performances I played in last week made such an impact on me, it would be a sin to not talk about it. Since playing, I have

1. not been able to stop listening to opera
2. wished orchestras were more theatrical and dramatic
3. started watching The Merry Widow as a form of rom-com
4. wished for more physical manifestations of the joys of playing violin

The singer we played with tonight was fantastic, with a personality to match her vibrant voice. She sang beautifully, her facial expression displaying the emotions of the words she sang. She read the lyrics translations out loud to us, awed by their meaning. Emotion just burst from her.

Singing is also something that I feel uninhibits the body more, which can be good or bad. I get back cramps when I play violin for too long, and yet when I'm really nervous, I don't know where to look, and my own eyes end up making my own fingers self-conscious. In opera, this singer went from singing with her arms crossed in front of her to flinging her arms about. The opera company that I played with was theatric. They kissed, they laughed, they held each other in their arms. Add a level of theatre (not to mention good-looking people), and suddenly we have the emotional heartstrings from theatre on top of already emotional music. Suddenly, my violin playing felt dull. Sure, there was something you could feel, but you didn't see or feel love. You didn't see the interaction, or the thoughts of a soliloquey.

Watching the singer today, I was reminded of one violinist I particularly like. I remember reading a review where she was described as playing ferociously, her face contorted in pain. Occasionally she would cry out or yelp with pain. I remember practice sessions from when I was young where I'd come out dripping in sweat, too exhausted to play another note.

The concert we played tonight ends the first concert in our series for my orchestra. The second one (no joke, I'm not trying to make a coincidence) is one where I'm soloing. So now is the time for me to harness everything I've learned from this to make the best performance I can.

Day 2: do 100 push-ups

So, I took an easy one today because my schedule was pretty busy. And by "easy" I mean "can be done without having to go outside in less than 15 minutes." A hundred push-ups is by no means an easy task. I have no upper body strength, and I dove into it without really doing any warm-ups. Don't congratulate me either, though. I attempted to do it in 10 sets of 10.

The reason why I did this was to start to edge myself towards that line where you almost can't make it. And as I was feeling my push-ups getting progressively weaker and my breaks getting longer, I realized I was taking the easy way out. Sure, this is tiring. Sure, I will pay for this in the morning. But I did it. And the pain was only temporary. Next time I'll have to reach a little farther.

Day 1: join a dating website

Okay, I'll admit it. My first new thing is probably the biggest one. I joined an online dating website. I haven't dated anyone in almost 3 years, so I figured it's worth a try.

I'd like to address my confidence for a moment here. Overall, I'm outwardly a very confident person around people I know well. To my high school friends and co-workers, I have this feeling of control that exhilarates me when I come back home for vacations. I love it. It's almost like they contain a part of me, and I only really get to live out this part of me when I'm with them.

Now, on to the unconfident part of me. A week ago, I was working with someone who I thought was attractive, and it wasn't the fact that I was attracted to him and knew he wasn't my type that really bothered me. It was the fact that I immediately assumed right off that bat that I would not exist to him. Cue every typical teenage comedy from the 80's. After a pep talk with my high school friends, I realized it's not that I don't have control over the situation, it's that I don't take control over the situation. I could probably talk to most guys that I normally would think I don't have a chance with and probably up the odds a little. I simply don't.

So... the dating website. It's weird having to make a campaign for yourself as a romantic partner in 6 paragraphs. It strangely enough reminds me of writing my college essays, and I find myself trying to combine intellectual material, quirky personality traits, and a comedic yet smooth writing style for a majority of people who will respond with "hi how r u?" in a mass email.

I feel like this is still the easy part, though. Upload a picture of yourself and brave yourself against the wash of interest from guys. Meeting people, trying to keep up conversation, even gambling with your emotions- that's going to be the real sticky patch. We'll have to cross that bridge when we get there.

On a side note, my greatest fear in joining a dating website is that I'll find a co-worker on it. Done and done. I'm not sure whether to laugh over it or feel relieved that it happened.

30 New Things in 30 Days

I've decided to try 30 new things in 30 days, starting the first of November. I'm trying to think of things that'll be fun, push me out of my comfort zone, or force me to become more of the person I'd like to be.

Let's see how it goes!

7. The Longevity of Awkwardness

I used to associate awkwardness as a whole with the awkwardness you had as a teenager around the time that they'd make a coming-of-age movie about you. College students are trying a little bit of everything to figure out what they love. People are still making horrible, blatantly flirtatious gestures to candidates who are obviously not interested. When I was pre-college, my only thought was "I just gotta make it to college." I worked so hard, and then maybe I could take a little bit of a breather.

I say this on a Friday night where I've worked late to celebrate the end of a whole of week of working late. It's a little bit like running sprints instead of a marathon, and I've got to learn how to pace myself better.

Similarly, I realized earlier this month that awkwardness isn't "just a phase." It used to be my firm belief that I'd learn social interactions. If I was being awkward, it's okay, because someday I won't be! I recognized in myself the potential for enjoyable, comfortable social dialogues. But then I had one of those "who-goes-into-the-door-first-indecision-for-5-minutes" scenarios with a sophisticated supervisor at work. And that's when it kind of hit me: it never goes away. Master every social interaction, and there will still be new ones. Move into the most sophisticated circles, and you will still always meet people whose actions and intentions you can't control.

I feel like the solution to this is actually to lower my standards. And although that has a negative connotation, I feel like it's a good breather in that I finally can relax a little.

6. Drama

I've recently started with a film group, and to keep our writing skills sharp, we've been doing weekly writing assignments. And thus I take a dive into dramatic writing! My relationship with drama has been rather up and down. As a child I loved dramatic stories, particularly as I did not get out very much, and thus had to live vicariously through my dolls the way I imagine some parents live vicariously through their children. In high school, however, the hormones hit, and my entire group of friends probably synched up our periods and I got all the dosage of drama I could ever want. I began to lean towards indie dramas and comedies, light-hearted takes on the world. My favorite characters were the emotionally dead ones being re-awakened.

Now that things have stabilized a bit, I find writing dramatically to be quite fun. Particularly if you write about it, what's interesting is how it'll enter your life sporadically. I imagine constant drama to be the roller coaster ride of a soap opera. Intermittent drama comes up with scenarios that leave these awkward transitional periods before and after. For example, consider the following:

I decided to write a piece about a couple fighting, so to get myself into character and the mood, I watched clips of Revolutionary Road. It's very well-directed, and so the drama gets to you. It does, however, also leak into whatever other conversations you might be having. So a motivational speech I was giving a friend went from "You can do it!" to

You should totally go for it! I don't see why you haven't! There will always be uncertainty, and it's up to YOU to get over it!! THESE ROAD BLOCKS YOU HAVE ARE ONLY IN YOUR MIND!! YOU WILL NEVER LIVE YOUR LIFE TO THE FULLEST IF YOU LIVE THIS WAY!!! HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF??? WHY??? WHY???

I imagine my friend, while motivated, was also very confused. I, on the other hand, was dramatically amused.