I used to associate awkwardness as a whole with the awkwardness you had as a teenager around the time that they'd make a coming-of-age movie about you. College students are trying a little bit of everything to figure out what they love. People are still making horrible, blatantly flirtatious gestures to candidates who are obviously not interested. When I was pre-college, my only thought was "I just gotta make it to college." I worked so hard, and then maybe I could take a little bit of a breather.
I say this on a Friday night where I've worked late to celebrate the end of a whole of week of working late. It's a little bit like running sprints instead of a marathon, and I've got to learn how to pace myself better.
Similarly, I realized earlier this month that awkwardness isn't "just a phase." It used to be my firm belief that I'd learn social interactions. If I was being awkward, it's okay, because someday I won't be! I recognized in myself the potential for enjoyable, comfortable social dialogues. But then I had one of those "who-goes-into-the-door-first-indecision-for-5-minutes" scenarios with a sophisticated supervisor at work. And that's when it kind of hit me: it never goes away. Master every social interaction, and there will still be new ones. Move into the most sophisticated circles, and you will still always meet people whose actions and intentions you can't control.
I feel like the solution to this is actually to lower my standards. And although that has a negative connotation, I feel like it's a good breather in that I finally can relax a little.
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